How to Put Your Best Self Forward, Even When You Feel Your Worst.

1:14 PM Jenniferlyn 0 Comments

Does this skirt make me look fat? 

Do these shoes make my legs look short?

Am I too thick in the hips for this tunic?

Should I belt this or not?

I am just going to live in sweatpants. 

I feel fat today. 

I feel ugly today. 

I hate my hair. 

I hate my nose. 

Ugh, I just give up.

Do you find yourself struggling with the topics of how you feel and how you want to present yourself?  DO you think to yourself,  "I want to be this person, but when I see myself in the mirror, I am not even close to where I want to be!"  Are you alone?  Nope.  You are human.  We all posses the same thoughts about ourselves on varying levels.   Struggling with an out of touch self image is something all humans deal with, or do not deal with.  A negative self image can be damaging to one's self at best and can be projected onto others at worst. 

When we spend time thinking negatively of ourselves, how can others see us positively?  Because they see the REAL us, not the us we see.  It is a cruel cruel trick our perception of self plays. 

Let's look at the now viral Dove campaign ad about real beauty.  The video has real women describing themselves to a forensic artist as well as a complete stranger describing these exact same women to the same forensic artist.  The two sketches are then compared side by side and you can see plain as day how the self image can be so off base from reality. 

Sometimes we need to see something in black and white - literally.  

There is an exercise at the Biggest Loser Ranch where a group of participants take turns one by one laying themselves out on large pieces of paper.  The standing participants then drew very closely to the body of the person laying down, touching them the entire way to produce a real and unbiased outline.   At the end, once all sketches are completed and presented to the group,  most all of the  participants look at the drawings of their outlines surprised by how the body presented to them on the paper does not match the body they see in their minds.  

Things that make you go hmmmmm. 

We have all had an "a-ha!" moment.  A picture taken where we do not recognize ourselves, a video of us where we are taken aback by how we really look.  For some it is disbelief that they have gained so much weight or that their bodies have changed so much, but it always goes to show that we do not see ourselves correctly. 

When we start gaining weight we can justify the tighter, ill-fitting clothing until one day we see that picture or that video or catch that reflection and realize.. whoa.  When did this happen?  

Likewise when we lose weight those around us notice the changes far before we do.  It is as if our mind is always lagging behind the reality of our body changes.  Because it is.  

When people start to think poorly of themselves, they start treating themselves poorly.  I call it  "phoning it in".   One of the biggest and best things you can do is put yourself on autopilot and adopt some rituals that will carry you through your rough days. 

By re-framing our outward thoughts into more positive words, we are inviting positivity back to us.   The more positivity we are receiving, in return makes us want to project more positivity outwards.   Likewise, if we respond to everything with negative words, we are only going to be seeing more negativity.  Negativity is a confidence draining beast!  While batting the toughest of negative self image days, turn your negative thoughts around and focus on the positives.  

Yes. There are positives!  Make it your goal to stop self hating and start appreciating all the good that your body does for you.  

The simplest change you can make today, starting right now,  is to accept that compliment.  If someone compliments your hair, your makeup, your clothing, or even a job well done at work, instead of replying with a negative simply accept the compliment and reply "Thank you!" with a genuine smile.   

There is comfort in ritual which is why so many find themselves fighting bad habits.  Those comforting rituals formed habits that are self defeating and doing no good.    In the time that it takes to reinforce a bad habit, you can be making a fresh, new healthy habit!

The strongest habits are formed out of consistent daily "rituals" that further ingrain the behavior into our heads.  The bath/teeth brushing/personal care ritual we went through as children before bed and in the morning eventually formed our grooming habits as we are adults. 

Starting with a workout routine or a plan where you build consistency is a good way to support yourself and provide POSITIVE reinforcement to your day.  The goal is to start chipping away at the dark places allowing the light to creep in.  

Do not beat yourself up over the negatives any longer.  Let. It. Go. It is time to start shining a light on to the positives.  Soon that light will spread and before you know it you are on fire with a renewed sense of self!  You know what you want to change and you are on the way to being the change you seek.  Along the way though you need to start acting like the person you want to become through the choices you make every day.  These choices and these rituals all add up to create the person we are.  What separates two people are the actions they take. 

Some of the best habits to start working on are the bookends to our days.  Yes, the wake up and the bedtime routines!   For instance, setting yourself up for having a successful morning means preparing for it the night before hand.  Meal prep, looking over the next day's obligations, scheduling or workouts and errands, as well as getting together all of the items one will need the next day is a good ritual to cultivate.  

The more consistent in ritual one is, the more likely they are to keep at them and build strong positive habits. 

By taking care of the book ends of our day, you may find more time opening up during the day and more confidence heading into the day.  Your goal each morning should be to start each and every day awesome.  Rock that morning routine!    

Transformation is a long process. It is not superficial, but the end resultant of every day, every decision we make along the way.  I want this, but do I want to work for it?  Until you get to the point where being the person you strive to be is second nature there is a little bit of faking it until you make it that has to happen along the way.   

 As long as you are making overall steps in the right direction, you need to cut yourself some slack along the way.  If you are unhappy with your current body or fitness level, there is no need to remind yourself of that every single day, just continue to make better choices.   Don't strive for perfection, strive for better.  For improvement.  For progress.  

Remember:  Strive for BETTER as  perfection is unrealistic. 

This is always a touchy subject, but if we are unhappy with how we look on the outside, sometimes we need to put a little additional effort into our daily "beauty" routines to keep pumped up and feeling good about ourselves. 

Some helpful tips to incorporate into your transformation progress:

1. Rock a 30-minute killer, go-to style.
• Just adding a little pampering time in the morning will help you put time back into yourself.  Don't do it for the other people, do it for you.  Aim for a look that makes you feel wonderful and beautiful like the person you are! 
• Want to curl your hair and put on make-up? Great!  Want to rock smooth sleek straight hair and bold accessories?  Sweet! Just be true to yourself and have confidence in how you present yourself.   Refine an easy to-do routine that adds to your confidence without taking away all of your spare time.  
• Rule of thumb for me is that my style has to be 30 minutes  from shower to out the door, and a look that I can rock just as easily getting ready at the gym for work as I do at home.  So what will your 30 minute killer style be?  Spend time finding what works and if your style take 15 or 45 minutes, if it works for you, work it girl!  
2. Develop your "power suit" from shoes to accessories,  
• Take the time on the weekend to put together 3 or 4 grab and go outfits (meaning from underwear to hosiery to clothing to shoes and accessories)  that make you feel amazing.  I call them power suits - clothes that fit well, that you notice people give you compliments on every time you wear them, or just stylish pieces that make you walk taller because of how amazing they make you feel.  
• Having these go-to pieces all ready to go means that even in a hurry you can just reach in to the closet and grab an outstanding outfit at a moment's notice. 
• I suggest doing this on the weekend so that you have time to try on the clothes and make sure that they fit you well and have no crazy stains or rips/tears or other issues that will take time to fix in the morning, or worse that create a "wardrobe malfunction" during the day.  
• The more comfortable you feel in your power suit the more shine you are going to exude. 
3. Don't for get the best accessory of them all. 
• SMILE!  Even when you feel the worst about yourself, if you carry yourself with a smile people respond.